Sunday, May 30, 2021

Home, home on the porch...


 And we are back from the hospital. Five days of nothing by mouth. Endoscopy, biopsies,  ultrasound endoscopy and more biopsies. Finally a liquid diet. The dog he missed every day. Our family. 

A diagnosis to make the blood run cold. 

He is still smiling. He wants us all to be ok. To be comfortable. 

Oh, Papa. You are loved.

Saturday, May 29, 2021

The times, they are a changin’...

 It is shocking how a day can change everything. An ordinary life lived with quiet joy. Children and grandchildren give us our happiness, our adventure. Peace and love. Then a bit of nausea. An ache too excruciating to be nothing. A trip to the emergency room. A CT scan revealing a dire diagnosis, the most dire. An ambulance trip to a larger hospital for more tests. More fear, more tears. More pain for my dear husband. We are still waiting for confirmation of the small hospital’s horrific diagnosis. I don’t think we will survive this. Either of us. He is my rock. I am going to have to take on that role. Somehow. I am a strong person. I will do this for him. 

I thought we would be together forever. We have had 50 years of good health. A good life. Just lucky, I guess. 

Thursday, April 29, 2021

70th birthday on the old front porch...

 My 70th birthday. I woke up to coffee and apple strudel. Flowers and a hammock. My last hammock rotted away from sunstroke. I put things away for a while then I don’t. I love a hammock. So good gift. We took a drive to Marquette.            TJ Maxx. Huron Mountain Bakery . Lunch and a blueberry 🫐 beer at the Vierling. Delicious. Then home to another trifle by Cammy and girls. A vanilla raspberry cake. Aging is sweet on the porch. I had a wonderful day. Connected with all of my family by FaceTime, phone or text. And right here at home. 

My last question of the last month of my sixth decade. What makes you strong? This is a hard question. I think I am strong because I grew up with out many material things. I learned from a mother with strong character how to take care of myself and the people around me. I learned to find joy in a small, ordinary life. I see it in my siblings as well.  That strength of character we all have. We still enjoy each other’s company. We have fun playing games together. Being together after all these years(we are all over sixty) is so much fun. Does that answer this last question? I think it does. 

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Birthday Eve...

                     The Florida birthday cake.
                                   The bathing suit.
                                   The suit plus ocean. 

 One day left to be 69. Tomorrow I will be 70. I picked a few easier questions for today. Not as soul searching.

Would you rather read fiction or nonfiction? Until I read Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, The Things They Carried, Heavy by Kiese Laymon, How We Fight for Our Lives by Saeed Jones, Hidden Figures, When Breath Becomes Air, A Lesson Before Dying I would have said fiction. Without hesitation. I read these books because of the book challenges I have participated in. I still choose fiction as my favorite books to read but I am enjoying nonfiction as well. 

How do you feel about swim suit shopping? I just went swimsuit shopping with my granddaughters in Florida. We went to a high dollar department store. Many choices. They were nearly hysterical when I tried on a suit that exposed my entire cleavage. Think about my age. Then they found a ruffled, flattering, nicely fitting suit. Swim suit shopping can be traumatic for me at 69. But shopping with my grand girls was fun. 

To What makes you cry? Saying goodbye to my grandkids. I say goodbye so often. My kids live in other states. Soldiers reuniting with their families. Lost dogs reuniting with their owners. 

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

Grateful on the porch...

 What are you grateful for?

So much. I am grateful for my husband of 52 years. I am grateful for what a good friend he is to me. I feel loved and cared for. I am grateful for my daughters and their wonderful children.  I am grateful for my home with an old front porch. I have so much. Life is good even if I am going to be 70 in two days. What? Why? I am grateful for all my birthday cakes. Three cakes so far. There might be one more. I really only have birthdays for the cake. I am grateful for the beautiful bracelet my sister sent me. I am grateful for Squid Lips. Good books. Good food and good people. 

                 An assortment of cakes over the years! 

Monday, April 26, 2021

Home, home on the porch...

                                     Cake by Cammy 
                                        This is 60 
Me and Joanie-Pre 70th celebration

Where do you feel the most like yourself?

On my porch. In this very old house. In my small town.?With my husband of fifty two years (June 14). With my beloved family. Building this place where I feel good in my skin has been a journey. How did I go from a girl who barely knew the man I married to a woman who has a partner who is my very best friend? We travel together with ease. We care for each other with love. Good humor and support. It took some time but it was worth the effort. 

Birthday celebration #3. With my sister-in-law, Joanie. At my daughter Cammy’s home. We are three days apart so have celebrated together for years. Our 40th, our 60th and now our 70th. 

Saturday, April 24, 2021

Reading on the porch...

 What book had the most significant impact on you? 

Terms of Endearment by Larry McMurtry. I read it when I was twenty one years old. I lost my mother to cancer when I was sixteen. I felt so guilty after she died. I was a typical teen. I remember praying she would get better just so she could take care of me. I still watched a music show after school even though the sound must have been awful for her. She never complained. I would sit with her in her bed but never for long. I was so concerned with how her illness affected me. I loved her and needed her so much. I never completely lost the feeling of guilt that I could have done more for her. Been a better
daughter. Then years later after I married and had a child I read Terms of Endearment. Emma said goodbye to her boys and tells her older boy not to feel bad about being a teen. She knows he loves her. She gets him. When I read that it made me know that my mother knew how I felt about her even though I was so self involved when she was dying. It let me let go. I cried so hard while reading this book. My three year old daughter came to me and put her little arms around me in comfort. I remember this moment as if it were yesterday. Not the best book I’ve ever read but the most impactful. 

                         Baby me with my Dad and Mom