April 29, 2025. Today is my 74th birthday. I feel younger than 74. I look my age I guess. I am not a good judge of age. I met a couple from Belgium. I thought maybe 30. They were both 41.
Florida has been so much fun. The teens. Cards Against Humanity. The weather. Warm and sunny. The pool. Family.
My seventy-fourth birthday is tomorrow. Today I spent more time in the pool. A G&T after 5. Yes. I waited til it was 5:00 somewhere. I have out lived my husband and many of my good friends including my sister. I still have a to do list that I want done before I leave this mortal coil. One of the list items is to organize my shit. I never have gotten it together in all my 73 years. I have a huge TBR list. Currently rereading The Shipping News and The Silver Linings Playbook. Still great reads I want a tattoo that says:
“ Do not go gentle into that good night.Old age should burn and rave at close of day: Rage, rage against the dying of the light.“
A moment when you felt truly heartbroken. (From Instagram)
My heart actually hurt as it broke when my husband died. I was holding his hand. He took a last breath. His hand cooled as I held it. I did not think he could leave me.
In two and 1/2 days I’ll be 74. I feel great. I think I look my age this year though. I relaxed in M’s pool today. I love the salt water and the privacy. No more bikinis for me.
From Instagram:
A childhood fear you never told anyone about.
As a kid I feared catastrophe. My parents dying. Car accidents. To the point where I believed if I kept them in mind while they were away from me they would be safe. If I forgot them for a minute something awful would happen.
April 26, 2025—Three days til 74. It is happening.
In five days I will be 74. No idea how this came about. How have 73 years been lived by me? How have I out lived my husband and many friends and family members?
What is your favorite color? Green. I have always loved the color green.
What is a book you would recommend? I love to be asked that question. I have read so many great books. To name just one: The Vaster Wilds by Lauren Groff.
What music are you listening to? Green Eyes by Coldplay. Metal version of Amazing Grace by Dan Vasc. Covers of 60’s songs.
What is your favorite animal? Bella, my dog.
Five days til B-Day. 74 is looming. I’m on Allegiant headed for Sanford and Florida. Haven’s grad. Azalea is flying. Kelley and Kendall will also be here for graduation. I cried when I left Bella at the kennel for 20 days. She is my companion.
Who are my most important relationships?
My lost husband was my most important relationship.
I feel such connections with my siblings including their spouses. Our yearly camping trips are the times I feel most at peace. I enjoy our matching crazy, sense of humor,
My daughters their spouses and children are so important to me. Our relationship is “these are my people” level. I feel it in my heart.
A few of my people…
Eight days til seventy-four. Oh, my.
Things I like: Bella the dog, spring, good books. I’ll name a few. Shotgun Love Songs, Vaster Wastelands, Razor Blade Tears, The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store, James, The Shipping News. The Round House. I better stop. I love these books. I read them over and over. Like old friends, I guess. I read once that rereading books, rewatching movies are signs of anxiety. Anxious people hate to chance a bad experience. Old favorites are a sure thing. Sixties/ Seventies music. I love covers of that music. Can’t Help Falling in Love-Perfume Genius, Always on My Mind-Pet Shop Boys, I Will Follow You-Toulouse. Swedish Indie, Metal covers-Dan Vasc and David Draiman. Listen loud. I love orchestral covers of current pop. And Cold Play. I love The Wasia Project. Travel. Anywhere. My old front porch. All porches. G&T. Jigsaw. Good coffee. Pizza in Italy.
I am reading The Silver Linings Playbook and The Shipping News. Excellent.
What dreams would you pursue if you weren’t held back by fear?
My dream is to travel the world. Not all of it but so many places I want to see and experience. I wish I could stay in an apartment and wander all over Oxford, Rome, Crema, Isle of Man. Shop in tiny groceries. Eat in local restaurants. Art galleries and libraries. Seasides. Coffee.
I want to paint big paintings. Etch words in black, quotes I love, then paint maybe with a big brush.
The Plague Doctor tattoo A quote along my collar bone.
Leave this lonely old house live close to my family. This makes me cry…
I usually post every day of my last month before a birthday. But here it is April 17. I’ll be 74 on the 29th. Where have these April days gone? My “year of magical thinking” is over. (Joan Didion) I am dealing with a grief so debilitating I don’t know if it is survivable. Depression is hitting me hard. I am fighting it but it is painful. I lost the person who loved me for me. I lost his warmth and joy. His hugs and unconditional love.
My sister and I attended the Grant a Wish Barbie Gala. A bright spot. I love the creative people. I do love Barbie. I love seeing my sister in her element. Simply a lot of work, registration, even more fun. The elevator incident. Somewhere in Time. Mattel artists. Pictures to follow.
I always answer philosophical questions in my birthday post, here goes. What would make tomorrow a good day for me?
Being with my family. I go so far between seeing my girls, my grandchildren. My siblings. Sunshine. A little warm up. It has been a long, cold winter.
