This question is so hard. I find it hard to see myself. To see who I am. To define myself. I am going to be 72 the end of April. Now there is a definition. I have aged much more quickly than I thought I would. I thought I would at least be able to define myself by this advanced age. Life flies by doing all the things that must be done to support a family day to day. To raise children. Being astounded by grandchildren. Working at a relationship.
Define myself. Let me try.
I read. I love books. Literature.
I am low energy. I do not want to use up my store of energy on things that are not important to me. I enjoy spending time on these things: Temple Run. Hidden Objects. Jigsaw puzzles. No TV, few movies. Sitting on my old front porch. Reading.
One of my favorite activities is having conversations with my teens. Playing Cards against Humanity starts all sorts of talks. They are bright, interesting people. They read. I love that.
I am not great at friends. I like other people to carry a conversation. I am satisfied with the company of my family. I love my nieces and nephews.
I could live in my one room camper. I am not in love with house work. I can be lazy if I have time.
I am caring for my very ill husband. I have somehow stayed upbeat. I have done things I did not think I could do. Blow snow for us and for two of my neighbors. Complete care of our wild dog. Out every morning around 7 to do her duty. Garbage duty. Lawn care. House cleaning. Vacuuming. Caring for my husband who always had boundless energy. Who was a full partner in every way.
I still dream of travel. Of art museums. Of the beach.
So, did I define myself? I’m still not sure if I actually see who I really am. What kind of person am I? Did I meet my full potential as a woman?
I will look back on this blog to see if this all makes sense.
I read Remarkably Bright Creatures in February. Very good. I am listening to Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kinsolver. So very good!
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